Confession time – loosing my way…

I’d like to make a confession, I mean we’re all friends here – right? So I’ve been doing a lot of work and research as part of the diets deconstructed series whilst taking many (small but sure) steps towards improving my own lifestyle so it becomes one I can claim as truly ‘healthy’ – it’s all been going rather well and I’ve been feeling good (inside and out) about it until….
I fall off the ‘good’ and ‘healthy’ tracks in what I can only say is spectacular style!
Now I am a bit of a realist when it comes to my diet; it’s something I’ve struggled with for pretty much all my life and with selective eating disorder (a highly embarrassing disorder that puts a dampener on any social plans) as well as PCOS to contend with I’m under no illusions that I’ll be able to switch to a ‘raw-food’, ‘macrobiotic’, ‘vegan’ or similarly strict eating plans. I know my restrictions and I spend a lot of time trying to work out how I can improve my diet even with these – the little things help and are a good place to start after all.

As I have mentioned things have been going well – I’ve been cutting down on any sweets/chocolate snacks, take out (in it’s many dangerously easy and tempting forms), fizzy drinks, indulgent deserts and replacing them with nuts, seeds, more water, apples, grapes, melon – you get the idea. With these small, yet fundamental changes, I’ve noticed my energy levels aren’t as low and are more sustained across the day, I feel better about myself, have lost a little weight (nothing to write home about yet!), feel the inherent enthusiasm for exercise, pushing me to workout and have noticed a significant shift in my mind-set which has seen my attempts at a positive attitude with a more optimistic approach to life become more ingrained so it’s not even something I’ve had to focus on, which has been fantastic and made me super productive with my own personal aspirations, goals and projects.

Okay, so my diet and lifestyle are by no means ideal or something to be heralded as an example but it’s an improvement and is definitely more on the healthy side of the scale now. Which is why it has been so frustrating for me to find myself well and truly off the rails this week!
So we all have different weaknesses and cravings – many carbtastic cravings particularly (thanks PCOS!) which tend to be super difficult to try and curb – my derailment began with a ‘Oh I can’t be bothered to cook tonight, it’s been such a long day – I know I’ll grab some takeout!’ not just something small, oh no clearly I went for the ‘Go big or go home’ school of thought when I decided to order Domino’s Pizza (and chicken strippers… and some Ben & Jerry’s cookie dough ice cream) – BIG MISTAKE! Whilst it did feel satisfying to have, the constant justifications of ‘I’ve been good for a while/all week’, ‘just this once’ etc. etc. etc. persisted long after the food was gone. Suddenly I find that Haribo (mini bags – although eating lots because they are mini defeats the point, chocolate, fizzy drinks and take out have crept back in to their snacking positions and do you know what I don’t even care anymore! So I keep sneaking snacks (because it’s too embarrassing to admit that I’m eating so much rubbish again) and it all spirals from there – I mean what kind of lunch break is it when you have a hot chocolate with marshmallows and cream with a red velvet cupcake? Yummy – yes. Satisfying – not so much. Accompanying self loathing – yes, You know what, trying to find somewhere to sit inside in the warm when it’s cold just isn’t a decent excuse for this.
So that is my confession to you all – this past week I have lost my way, as I said in spectacular fashion (I don’t do things by half that’s for damn sure) but I’ve been having a word with myself today and trying to whip myself back into shape so as of now (this moment right now) I am back on track and will do what I can to help myself again. In order to do this I’m thinking all temptations must be completely ignored and thrown out until I can trust myself to be strong in my resolve – it’s times like these online grocery shopping helps too.
I know I am not alone in struggling to keep to dietary changes, we all flail and fail at times with these types of things but the important thing is to pick yourself up, do not dwell on it and try to shift your focus on getting back on top working to regain a sense of normality in your new/healthy/good/chosen lifestyle.
So it continues – tomorrow is another day after all and I will write this blip off as I get back to my PCOS lifestyle changes!
And what about you fellow cysters? What have you found most difficult when making dietary changes for your PCOS? What’s your guilty pleasure that can veer you off course? Any #dietfails when trying the latest diet trend or fad? Share your stories with us in the comments below…

3 thoughts on “Confession time – loosing my way…

  1. wifelife2014 says:

    I can TOTALLY relate to everything you just said! I have been experiencing the same problems with cravings, exhaustion and using the excuse, “I’ve been really good for so long,” “just this once,” blah blah blah. It sucks. Seriously sucks. I am having a much harder time getting back to the healthy lifestyle, mainly because I have been disappointed with yet another negative pregnancy test. I feel like I’m at a crossroads now with three different options; give up and accept defeat, keep trying things naturally and get back to healthy diet, or move forward with fertility treatments. I don’t think I’ve ever had a harder decision to make in my life. I do know I cannot give up bc I want nothing more out of life than to be a mother. But every day I fail, every negative test I take, and for EVERY time I Think “This is it” have been making it that much harder to keep my faith strong. I don’t know How to do any of this.

    • littlemissmagickal says:

      It’s good to know I’m not the only who does this! It’s frustrating though when we find ourselves in the vicious circle of disappointment triggering emotional eating or similar generally to do with weight or fertility. I wish I could be of some use to help you make your decisions but whatever path you choose the destination will be the same (motherhood) try to stay strong and remember there is support so you don’t have to go it alone 😉 also please don’t think that this is you failing – it’s not – just one of those curve balls thrown at you to show you just how strong and incredible you are (although I know that’s not particularly helpful at times like this but I do like to believe this when I reflect upon certain struggles as someway and somehow we get through) fingers crossed and loads of positive vibes going out to you as you push through and progress your journey to be a mother. Xx

      • wifelife2014 says:

        Yes it really is a vicious circle. I feel it makes me feel that much worse about the junk food bc it’s not only me failing at a diet to make me healthier but it’s me failing at a diet to make my chances of conceiving better. That’s where I feel like I’m actually failing myself. But I will say that I’ve done it once before so I know I can do it again, eat healthier. I just hope This doesn’t become a pattern any more that’s where I’m struggling. Thanks so much. Good luck to you too!

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